We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
