Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
