i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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