Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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