It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
