so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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