FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
