I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
