Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
