I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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