i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
