If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
