so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
