Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
