If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
