so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
