I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
