She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
