i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
