its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
