yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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