my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
