Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
