thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
