It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
