I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i love accidental penises.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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