Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
