You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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