I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
