physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
