I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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