mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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