i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
