im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
