It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
