My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
