One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
