i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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