I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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