Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
