Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
