whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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