as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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