We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
