Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
