This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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