Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
