if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
