You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
