Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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