the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
