need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
